The Pain and Promise of Letting Go….
In Buddhism, they say the root of all suffering is attachment.
I had created an attachment to Tristan’s future. I had believed that my son would live a ‘normal’ life, but with his living now with a degenerative disease, I have to alter my expectations of his life, his future. I have to let go of all the things we often take for granted and replace them with a new reality, a new normal….
I ask myself several important questions – “What if we were all wheelchair-bound by 12 years old? What if we all lived no longer than 21 years of age? How would ‘normal’ look then?” Through asking these questions, I am starting to experience a break from traditional thought. I am beginning to see with fresh eyes. I am beginning to recreate a different vision for Tristan’s future, but fear and sadness engulf me.
This letting go process continues to be a long, hard lesson. I want to hold on tight, to control the outcome and to make it right, the way it’s supposed to be. But I know that with every little bit of letting go, it frees up room at the other end for something else, something better, to move in.
But I cannot let go. I’m afraid to let go……
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July 1st, 2012 at 4:54 am
A nice read Karen, thank you. Big Hugs to you and your Son
July 1st, 2012 at 7:27 am
Karen… Yes constantly letting go of what I think or how I feel things should be… both are equal partners in the game of control. As I read your words, have witnessed in my own life and observe in others lives I see and acknowledge that everything that I am thinking and feeling about how things should be and how they should go are all about control. There is only one way that things will be and go and that is what happens in the moment organically, freely and in the flow. Breathing in and out, and constantly letting things go… this is my day… I still hang on tight at times… feel the impact of coming up against the wall of resistance, breathing and letting go… Thanks for sharing… Sweet Day to you Karen and your beautiful family.